If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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