well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
