I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
