the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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