Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize