I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
