I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
