Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
