your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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