Soap is not a condiment
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
