rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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