tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
