I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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