Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
