I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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