If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
