Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think i have two assholes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
