Umm I'm too high to move.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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