no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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