I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menās room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iām married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
