I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just invented taco cereal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
