Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
