You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
