True but thats because hes a fetus.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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