I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
there's paper in my vomit.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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