you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
