I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
3 2 1 whiskey
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
