Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
