So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
