His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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