No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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