i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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