I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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