Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
