doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drunk is a universal language darling
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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