I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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