I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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