Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
