Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
