we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
