I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
