unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
