I take back everything I said about communal showers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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