Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
