If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we should paint friendship bongs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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