I love black thongs
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
