i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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