pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
