if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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