oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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