Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
