We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
