You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
