i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
