The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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