um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
