I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
