I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
