Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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