I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
