Please, let me fuck your mom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
