we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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