Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
