I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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