God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
