The best revenge is premature balding
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
