i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
